The Rants of Mister P

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Tao.
Interrupting T--
Intelligent people know others. Enlightened people know themselves.

Sinking feeling

I think it's interesting how deep down we really are all the same. Just like you, when I come home from work I cook myself dinner. Afterwards, just like you, I do the dishes. Then, just like you, I syphon all the dirty water out of the clogged sink into a wastepaper basket and dump it down the toilet.



My sink has been clogged for the past few days. Probably too much cat food scrapings going down the drain. I suppose I could get it fixed, but the syphoning thing seems to be working just fine.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Mao.
Interrupting M--
Communism is a hammer which we use to crush the enemy.

What was I thinking?

I found this post-it note on my desk. It is in my handwriting:

Babies
Early
take-off
Meal
Read

What on earth was I trying to keep track of?!

Disappointment

You would think that the new Hershey's Kissables, candy-coated chocolate kisses, would be delicious. But you would be wrong.

WoW, what great skiing

Dutch and I took a ski trip to Mammoth this weekend. I've always had a thing against Mammoth, and I'm not sure why. It might be that I resent the fact that Southern Californians simply assume that they have the best Ski Mountain in the world. The thing about Mammoth is that most of it is very open. Many people really enjoy wide open bowl skiing where you can go wherever you want, but I prefer more well-defined trails. Well this weekend we also went to nearby June Mountain, and I have to say I was impressed. It is much smaller than Mammoth and the terrain isn't as challenging, but it had lots of long, tree-lined trails to explore. I'm not sure what it was, but June just seemed to have more charm than Mammoth.

Conditions were absolutely fantastic both days. they had a recent storm, and the snow was light and deep. I'm sure you'd love to see a photo from the weekend, so here it is: two dorks in a hotel room playing World of Warcraft on wireless laptops while watching Austin Powers.

Brokeback Molehill

I am sick and tired of hearing about this movie. I have no desire to see it. I just don't think we need a film about those type of people. I believe people have the right to live whatever lifestyle they choose, but I don't want to have to see them, I wouldn't want to live next to them and I certainly don't want to pay ten dollars to watch a movie about them. This may not be a popular viewpoint, but I'm going to say it anyway: I don't like cowboys. I didn't like them as a kid (why would you want to play Cowboys & Indians with make-believe pistols when you could play Star Wars with make-believe ray guns?) and I don't like them now. With their stupid big hats, ridiculous giant belt buckles and silly two-stepping line dances, they are relics of an era long gone.

If you want to make a movie about gay space rangers or gay zombies I'll be first in line to buy tickets. But cowboys? BOOOORRRING!

Knock Knock

I saw a joke online and I was giggling about it all weekend. I couldn't wait to tell people at work. I'm sure every 5th grader in the country knows it already, but here it is:

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c--
MOOOOOOOOOO.

I told Blair and Talin during lunch, and they loved it. Then Pat came over, I told it to him, and he loved it. Then Stupid Dutch came over and I told it to him. But this time the joke went like this:

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting c--
MOOOOOOOOOOO

He beat me to the punchline. Even if he already knew the joke, I can't believe he was able to access his memory that quickly to jump on it. I have never been so impressed with someone in my life.

Tired

I ran a half-marathon today. Full report on Neoprene Wedgie.

Time to mourn

Michael Vale died December 24th. He was 83. You don't recognize his name, but when I tell you who he is, you'll be very sad.

He was the "Time to make the donuts" guy.

Go Bighorns!

Or Largehorns. Or Longhorns. Whatever. I really couldn't care less about college football, but I gotta admit the USC-Texas match-up was a good game. I was watching it in a militant USC house so it was not a happy place, but I was secretly cheering on Texas. Why?

Before the game, they aired some clips of alumni talking smack about the other schools. Matthew McConaughey represented Texas, and who did they get for USC? Will Ferrell. WHY WON'T THIS MAN GO AWAY?!! Aren't the 10 movies he's in this month enough?!

Let Me Shop, Let Me Shop, Let Me Shop

I went to Disneyland on New Years Day to do some Christmas shopping. That's right, you heard me. It wasn't too bad, at least not until the rain hit. That's when all the wimpy pansy-ass tourists had to run screaming out of the rain and crowd into the stores, wandering around looking at crap they had no intention of buying. Others created 15-20 minute lines so they could buy ponchos and umbrellas. Did they not see the weather report? This was not a surprise storm. Everybody knew it was going to rain. Pack an umbrella, suck it up, and stay the hell out of my stores so I can spread some freakin' holiday cheer.