Friday, March 14, 2008

Going Back Down

Oh My God my worst elevator nightmare came true. I had to go down to the first floor to check my mail. When I stepped in the elevator, two old biddies were already inside. Which is fine, I don't have anything against biddies, young or old. We stopped on the 8th floor and an old man came on pushing a stroller with what I assume was his granddaughter. But rather than making room for the stroller, the biddies just bent down to start cooing over the precious little angel. The grandfather had to therefore squeeze himself into the elevator, and in doing so his old man butt hit all of the bottom 2 rows of buttons - floors 1-5. So we had to go listen to

"Fifth floor... Go-wing doiwn"
"Fourth floor... Go-wing doiwn"
"Third floor... Go-wing doiwn"
"Second floor... Go-wing doiwn"
"First floor."

Is there such a thing as elevator rage?


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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Going Down

The elevators in my building have been undergoing renovations, and the first one reopened yesterday. It has fancy new buttons and shiny new LEDs showing each floor. And the elevator actually stops dead even at each floor- there's none of that 1/2" gap that makes you trip when you step out. This is all well and good, but they added another feature as well: it talks.

The elevator (I'll call her "Ellie") announces each floor she stops at, and also tells you which direction she's going after every stop. Ellie has a weird female Boston-British-robot voice. She says "Go-wing doiwn". And she's too loud. I keep wanting to say back "inside voice!" I know better than to get involved with Homeowner Association politics, so I'm hoping other people complain and that we put a muzzle on Ellie. (yes, I'm one of those people who wants "other people" to fix things.)

Before anyone suggests "you should just take the stairs", you should know that I live on the 16th floor. So Ellie and I will be spending a lot of time together.


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