Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Spider-Man (no spoilers)

I am in a rare and downright giddy mood after coming back from seeing Spider-man 2.

I tend to nitpick and find fault with most movies, but I really did enjoy the first Spider-man, and the sequel promised to be even better. This was the one summer blockbuster I was really looking forward to ever since the first teasers appeared for it a year ago. I was a bit worried because I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to see it; few people understand the fine nuances of going to see a summer blockbuster opening night. Hermano, aka Travis, DOES understand, but he had purchased tickets for the Arclight 3 weeks ago to see it with his fiance. NOTE: at the Arclight, you select a specific seat when you buy your ticket and it is reserved for you. Sweet. Unfortunately, (snicker-snicker) Hermano's fiance had a late meeting tonight and could not make it to the show, so Hermano invited me. I almost didn't feel worthy, and was actually nervous accepting such an awesome opportunity.

Even with the reserved seating system, I was still pretty tense. The traffic was worse than expected. What if there are kids talking during the movie? What if the film breaks? What if a meteor crashes into the theater? We got into our seats, O19 and O20. We both acknowledged that these were very good seats, although they weren't quite N22, the Holy Grail of Arclight seating. Hermano observed that we had never gone to a movie with just the 2 of us before, and that's probably a good thing: normally there is at least one other person to act as a neutralizer. But with just the two of us, the movie-going obsessiveness just reflects back and forth and resonates and grows. Dangerous indeed.

About 5 minutes before the show starts, a guy comes up to me and says "you're in my seat." We check our ticket, and say "no, we have O19 and O20".He says "WE have O18 and O19." Trouble brewing. Unfortunately, the Arclight does have a history of double-booking seats and that can get ugly. It pretty much winds up as a stand-off until somebody gives in. Hermano went to talk to an usher, to determine who will give up the seat. Oh, did I mention the man was there with his wife who looked to be about 7-8 months pregnant? I stayed in my seat, and became VERY nervous. I knew that Hermano would stay strong, but what would happen if the Pregnant Lady asked me to please give up my seat for her? I was dreading that confrontation because I think deep down I knew I would crack. Fortunately, Hermano returned and explained the problem: they had the right seats, the right movie, but the wrong day. As you know I strongly encourage people to show up early for movies, but even I think showing up for a reserved seat 24-hours early is a bit much. Some day soon, waiting until after they give birth to a beautiful healthy baby, they are going to have one heck of a fight about how stupid the other one was to order tickets for the wrong night. I wish I could see that.

We watched the movie. Great. Blah blah blah.

I was parked on the roof of the parking structure, but for some reason (Spidey sense?) I decided to take the stairs. On my way up, who comes running down past me other than Spider-Man! It was the most surreal thing. I got to the top and looked out over the ledge and watched Spider-man striking all the dramatic comic book poses on the terrace below. Freakin' awesome.

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Monday, June 28, 2004


Irony

My TiVo recorded a marathon of "Monk" episodes. I feel compelled to watch them all.

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Saturday, June 26, 2004


Time for schoolin'

What the hell is wrong with people? This isn't rocket science folks, so let's go over it one last time...

If the movie starts at 9:45, what time should you be in the theater? Anyone? Anyone? The answer is 9:45. Any time before 9:45 is fantastic. And you know what? I'm a generous guy: if you want to run out during the trailers to grab some popcorn, knock yourself out. But there is absolutely no reason for you to be looking for a seat for your fat lazy ass at 10:05. None.

Also, there is NO EXCUSE for bringing your 3-year-old snot-nosed bratty kid with you to a 9:45 PG movie. None. And he should not be making goobly noises all night long. He should not be allowed to play with the flip-up seats. He should not be allowed to wander up and down the aisle. If you can't afford a baby sitter, there's no shame in that; but then you should be saving your money by a) going to see a half-price matinee show or b) leaving the kid in the car so you don't have to pay for his ticket as well. If you DO bring your kid, I hope the movie gives him nightmares all week long and he wakes you up every night screaming.

Class dismissed.

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Thursday, June 24, 2004


T.H.E.M. wasn't all T.H.A.T. Sorry for suggesting it.

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Wednesday, June 23, 2004


Five movies you'd think I would have seen by now, but haven't:

5. Hellboy
4. Kill Bill part 2
3. Troy
2. Shrek 2
1. harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

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Tuesday, June 22, 2004


Totally Hidden Extreme Magic

I'm surprised that I haven't heard about this until just now, but I think this show could be good: It's basically a Candid Camera rehash with magicians freaking people out in the streets. One guy sneezes his head off... How could that NOT be cool?!

It airs Wednesday June 23 at 8:00 on NBC.

Watch the trailer (720k, Quicktime)


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Monday, June 21, 2004



Five Things my Gut Tells Me

1. The King Arthur movie will bomb.
2. The Greek Olympics will turn out just fine.
3. Al Qaeda will not have a successful attack on U.S. soil in the next year.
4. This will be a mild summer.
5. Four more years of Bush.

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Saturday, June 19, 2004


ATTENTION GOOD CITIZENS OF ALHAMBRA: Yes, I know you are very proud of how well your traffic lights can change color. But do you have to show me at every freakin' intersection?!

I went to Alhambra today, and you really Can't Get There From Here. It's just a horrible place to try to get to and drive through. I know that some people don't want a new freeway built cutting through South Pasadena, but if it ever becomes a county ballot issue or whatever, I'm voting to give him a new back patio of 8 lanes of asphalt.

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Friday, June 18, 2004


Paul Johnson was beheaded. If we ever get our hands on these Mofo's, I think they should be handed over to a medical research facility. Here's the question I'm sure we'd all like answered: How much of the human body can be surgically removed while keeping the person alive? I propose that every 2-3 days, they remove something. Start with arms and legs. Then maybe just one lung, so that every breath is strained and difficult. Remove a good part of the intestines, so that no how much they eat, they can't get nutrients. Get rid of the kidneys, and just let the waste acculumate in the body cavity. But keep the eyes intact, so they can see exactly what is happening to them.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004


Luggage

I have very generic luggage. It's black, rectangular. Looks exactly like everyone else's. The new fad is to have custom, giant colorful nametags on your luggage to make it easier to identify on the baggage-go-round. I was at the supermarket today and they had a special rack of those types of tags. I may be going to Europe this summer, so I figured I might as well pick one up. The one I really liked was a big bright American Flag. I grabbed it, then thought "what am I thinking?! The LAST thing I want people to know while I'm travelling is that I'm American!"

The terrorists have won.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004


Al Capone's Vault Revisited

There was a glimmer of hope for reality TV last night.

Yesterday was the finale of "The WB's Superstar USA", the mock American Idol show where they take all of the worst singers and tell them how wonderful they are. The final episode promised to be one of the cruelest train wrecks ever on TV, where they would announce the big "winner" and then right at the greatest moment of their life, strike them down by saying "ha ha, it's all fake, you suck!"

So what happened? A ditzy blonde won, but I don't think even Richard Hatch would have understood what was going on. She was told "We lied to you... we weren't looking for the best singer in the country. We were looking for the person who thought they were the best singer." Huh? She was understandably confused. When interviewed later, she was given a check for $100,000. The two runner-ups were given $10,000. And they all said the same thing: "it was fake? so what? I had a lot of fun, I got to travel, and I made a lot of money."

What's good about this is that the smug producer/judge got stuck with a lousy ending for his show. There were no tears, no flying fists of death. The greatest moment of HIS career turned out to be a huge dud. For one brief shining moment, the contestants struck a blow on behalf of 15-minute-famers everywhere. What they said to the producers was "We may be stupid, but you're stupider!" (sic.)

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Monday, June 14, 2004


Go Pistons!

I'm going to get in BIG trouble for this: I hope the Lakers lose.

The L.A. Lakers are in some sort of big basketball thingee. I'm all for rooting for the home team, but the problem is that we've barely finished celebrating LAST year's victory.

Back in January, Pepsi and Apple Computer launched a big campaign to give away 100 million free songs over the internet; 1 in 3 Pepsi bottle caps would be a winner. We did not get the new bottles in L.A. until April, because they were still overstocked on the "Win Free Lakers Crap!" bottles from last year. Gimme a break. They phased out the old campaign just 2 months ago, and if the Lakers win I fear they'll just start up again.

And it's not just Pepsi; it's the Lakers gear in the gas stations and the supermarkets and the malls. I think there should be a 3-month allowance; you can gear up for 1 month leading up to the championship, and then spend 2 months unloading all the crap after they win. But that's it. None of this year-round nonsense.

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Sunday, June 06, 2004


Deep Dark Secret

I have a confession. It is a secret I've held for 19 years, and only now can it be revealed. Some of you may faint in terror. Some of you may set yourselves on fire. Some of you may do the Truffle Shuffle...

Until today, I had never seen The Goonies.

How did I avoid this required viewing from the 80s? I'm not sure. But it often comes up in conversations about old movies, and for years I would just sit there uncomfortably, pretending to laugh along with everyone as they reminisced about their youth. I always felt like an outsider, trying to fit in. Being Goonie-less, I knew deep down I didn't belong. But no more.

Is it a good movie? I suppose so. But the main thing I was thinking is that it's a NOISY movie. It is very frantic, with lots of screaming and people shouting over one another non-stop. It's sort of stressful. And Corey Feldman has always been, and shall always be, well, Corey Feldman.

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Thursday, June 03, 2004


Last week marked the 18th anniversary of Hands Across America. I know it's sort of a national joke, but I thought it was pretty cool. I was discussing it with my friend JD, and I told him with pride the same thing I've been telling people for 18 years: For Hands Across America, I went into New York City and was just outside Battery Park. I was in the very first mile of the line, possibly even the very first half-mile. JD asks me "what makes you think that was the FRONT of the line?"

Stupid JD.


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