The Rants of Mister P

Here's something that doesn't happen every day:

I have a pimple. On my eyelid. It only hurts when I blink. How did I get a freaking pimple on my eyelid?!

BLOG NOTE: Last week I went to Rome with my mother. I stopped by New Jersey for 2 days first. These are the notes from that trip.

Why is my flight always at the last gate in the terminal? It doesn't matter if I'm flying a 777 to New York or a hang glider to Osh Kosh. How come I never get to board at Gate 1? Where are all those other people going that they don't have to walk an extra half-mile to get to their plane? If there are 30 gates in a terminal, I guarantee my gate number will be greater than 25. I don't get it.

On the plane there was probably 700lbs of people in my row of 3. I originally had an aisle seat, but because I was "the skinnny guy", Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum asked if I wouldn't mind sitting in the middle. Of course I couldn't say no. They did pay the $5 to get me a headset for the movie (Charlies Angels: Full Throttle). However, because the armrest couldn't fit between me and the large thigh next to me, it had to kept up between our seatbacks, which pinched off the hollow tubes that made up the headset. So I watched the movie, but didn't hear any of it. I guess with Charlies Angels it doesn't matter.

There were windstorms in Atlanta, we pretty much were sideways all the way down. They didn't secure the doors to the lavatories, so they would slam open an shut with every shake. Sounded like the entire plane was ripping apart. While waiting for my connection, I realized that this was just the first of EIGHT flights I need to make this week. Ugh.

Vroom Vroom

I have my new car!

Something has to go horribly wrong soon, because things worked out too well. First, I called the dealer to find out exactly how much I owed for the car because I didn't want to get hit with any surprises. He gives me the price, and tells me "and that includes your down payment and the $2000 rebate."

Rebate? What rebate?

It seems that when I ordered the car there was some sort of "September Sale-a-thon" going on so I automatically got $2000 back. Then I go to pick up the car, and they tell me I get an addition $300 off. In a stunningly rare case of corporate sympathy, General Motors is giving California buyers rebates to compensate for the newly raised state registration fees. So now I have an extra $2300 which means I can buy a new computer or something, right?

More nasty recall news...

I went to www.norecall.com, thinking I could find information about tomorrow's vote. It redirects you to the Antelope Valley Republican Party. That's just dirty pool if you ask me. They are specifically misleading voters. On the left column of their site is a link for "Feedback..." Go there and tell them how much you hate them.

Do it.

Hasta la Nighty Night

The California election is tomorrow. Last night, I had a very vivid and detailed nightmare about it - sort of.

Basically I was in college and there was a new professor who turned out to be a Terminator. He didn't look like Arnold, but we knew what he was and saw him shoot students in class. Everyone definitely made sure they did their homework on time after that. He called me into his office and told me he was going to kill me. But not really. He was going to send me away and then report my death in a drunk-driving accident as part of a study on grief and how people react to shocking news.

So what does this dream mean? I think it's a premonition that Arnold will become governor and then kill the education programs of our state.

Remember to vote NO on the recall.

Seems Like Foul Play

Foul Play, the movie starring Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn, was on TV today. I remembered seeing that in the theater with my cousins when it first came out many, many years ago, so for the nostalgia factor I thought I'd watch it again. I couldn't really remember anything about the movie, except that there were a bunch of dogs in it.

I was watching the movie for 90 minutes when I realized the film I was thinking of was Seems Like Old Times, another movie with Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase. Foul Play stinks, so it was a waste of my time.

Stupid 70s comedians.

Books bad. TV Good.

Mrs. Monkey Face Laura Bush had this to say at the Library of Congress:

"A good book is like an unreachable itch".

Personally, I agree with her. Reading IS annoying. But you'd think that as First Lady she might want to set a good example for the youth of America. I'm old; I've already suffered so I don't have to read books any more. Kids do.


(her actual quote was "A good book is like an unreachable itch; you just can't leave it alone." That may be SLIGHTLY more inspirational, but it's still a horrible analogy.)



Here Kitty Kitty
Roy, of Siegfried and Roy fame, was mauled by one of his white tigers on stage today. I hope he makes a complete recovery, but let's face it: it's funny.

Will And Grace can be a bit naughty at times. It can be tricky for a network to advertise a naughty show throughout the week. Sometimes they need to make slight changes in the promos. Here's an interesting clip showing the NBC promo, followed by how the scene played back during the actual episode. The odd thing is that the "cleaner" version is funnier.

This is Mister P's Clip of the Week. (600k QuickTime)

Just Vote No

Big Arnie's new campaign song is "We're Not Gonna Take It". Using the wisdom of Twisted Sister, I have this to say back to Arnold:

Oh you're so condescending
Your gall is never ending
We don't want nothin', not a thing from you

Vote NO on the California Recall.