The Rants of Mister P

Last week I was fish-sitting for Pat while he was on vacation. Or more accurately, his wife. It was easier for "Mr. Fish" to spend the week at my place rather than me having to go to Pat's house every day, so I picked him up. They gave me Mr. Fish in a little cup and told me that since he was a Beta, he would be fine spending the week in the cup. WHAT?! Mr. Fish might have been fine, but I wouldn't be. I've heard all about how Betas are OK in confined spaces because it's a biological adaptation so they can survive drought seasons. That's not the point. Human beings are biologically adapted to survive with only 3 TV stations, but would you want to spend a week like that? I didn't think so.

I have fish at home, but I was worried about Mr. Fish catching a disease or having trouble with the other fish so I set him up with his own personal Timeshare: a 2-gallon wastebasket, some gravel and a fake plant. He seemed to enjoy it, although he had a very annoying habit of tangling himself up in the leaves at the surface and floating on his side. Every time I walked by I thought for sure he was dead.

You may be wondering what the deal is with all the cans of Mountain Dew. That's because The Cat, who has spent the last 18 months completely ignoring the 10-gallon tank literally a foot off the floor, suddenly had great interest in Mr. Fish. The Cat would climb up the sofa to get a better view of a late-night snack. The Cat is old, not much of a jumper, but I wasn't taking any chances. I fortified the fish tank with the cans of Dew as a Cat Deterrent, and also as an alarm system if she did try to jump up. Fortunately, the week was incident-free.