Wednesday, December 24, 2003

I figured out how to stop the influenza epidemic: just quarantine all the Toys 'R Us stores across the country. I swear, every sick person within a 10 mile radius was in the store coughing and hacking on me tonight. If the CDC would just keep those people inside the store, the virus would stop dead in its tracks.

While shopping, there was an announcement over the loudspeaker: "Attention customers... For your shopping convenience, Toys 'R Us will be open until 10:00 tonight." Excuse me? If you want to make things convenient for me, how about staying open until midnight? Then maybe some of the 30 snot-dripping kids in front of me in line might be home in bed already.

Stupid last-minute shoppers.

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