Monday, February 24, 2003

I'm a Train Wreck, Get Me Out of Here!

I like the new Reality TV craze. It may not be truly "real", but at least you don't know what will happen. If you're watching CSI Fresno, you know that they're going to solve the crime at the end. Justice prevails. But in reality TV, the bad guys can win, and sometimes do.

But even I have my limits as to how far I will stoop when it comes to watching trashy TV. And I drew the line at "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!". Basically Celebrity Survivor. It looked bad from the start, but a friend of mine (I'll call her "Karri" to protect her identity) said it was good so I decided to give it a try.

This show is so bad, that it inspired me to come up with my own set of awards to dishonor the worst in reality TV. I call these "The Joshuas", named after the painfully annoying guest on Big Brother 3 last summer.

Dumbest Show: I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!
Even after all the celebrities were introduced, I still didn't know who half of them were. They really stretched the definition of celebrity to the limit. Nikki Schieler Ziering?! For one the "challenges", one of the bimbos had to lay down in a closed box for 10 minutes to win 10 meals for her camp. If this was Survivor, she would have had to stay in there for 3 hours. If this was Fear Factor, the box would have been filled with rattlesnakes. But no, it was just an empty box. She lasted 4 minutes. Dumb.

Biggest Fall From Glory: The Osbournes
The brilliance of this show was watching an extraordinary family do ordinary things. But this season they have been focusing on the music careers of the bratty kids. Watching Ozzy Osbourne, The Prince Of Darkness, clean up dog poop in the kitchen is great TV. Watching Kelly cry about not having anything to wear to the MTV Music Awards is not.

Most Annoying Character, Male: Justin, American Idol
Justin is the guy who looks like what would happen if Sideshow Bob joined the Backstreet Boys. He was the runner-up on LAST year's American Idol, so how can he win an award in 2003? Because he's not going away. He LOST, and we still have to deal with him. He's starring in the new "American Idol Movie". We were discussing how this will be the fastest tanking movie in history, but another friend (I'll call her "Ally") rightly argues that nothing can beat "Glitter".

Most Annoying Character, Female: Kathy Griffin, Celebrity Mole Hawaii
If you are funny, you can get away with being offensive (see: Richard Pryor). But you can't just be offensive and hope that it will make you funny. Kathy Griffin is loud, annoying, bigoted and worst of all, not funny. My outer circle of hell would be going to an all-you-can-eat Sushi Bar; my inner circle would be going to an all-you-can-eat Sushi Bar with Kathy Griffin.

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