Friday, January 17, 2003

Lady Lipo Liberty

Call me un-American, but I have always had a problem with The Statue Of Liberty.

For starters, I hate the fact that it was a gift from France. I don't specifically hate the French, but how sad is it that the symbol of our country can't even be stamped "Made In America"? Like we couldn't build our own icon?

People think the Statue Of Liberty is gargantuan. Myth. She really ain't all that big. She's about as tall as 20 men standing on top of eachother. Would I want to be the one to have to wash all the pigeon crap off of her? No, but most people think the statue is a lot taller than it really is. If you put her feet on the ground, my balcony window would look over her head. It's the pedestal that makes her look taller.

We've all seen the majestic photos of the Statue Of Liberty taken from a helicopter with the Manhattan Skyline in the background. OK, I admit, she looks pretty good there. But have you ever actually been to Liberty Island? Let me tell you a little secret: You know how you have a few drinks and you look across the bar and see a beautiful woman in the distance, then you get up close and realize "damn, woman, you is UHHGGLY!" That's how it is with our Lady Liberty. Sure, she looks good from the air with perfect lighting, but when you're standing at the base of the pedestal looking up at her feet, she is FAT. It's not a flattering angle.

Wrap yourself in the flag all you want. But if you want to impress me, build an 800 foot statue of Jennifer Garner. Now THAT'S American.

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